Hilarious quotes are a great way to unwind and release any stress you may have developed during the day or week and become more relaxed. Hearing or reading funny stuff is a wonderful way to let loose and become healthier for it. As you read these quotes I am sure you will begin to feel a wonderful sensation of goodness throughout your body, funny just does that to you. By the way, you can also check out funny car quotes for more funny sayings. Check out these hilarious quotes below.
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!"
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets..”
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
“Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”
“Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”
“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”
“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”
“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”
“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
I hope you enjoyed these very funny and hilarious quotes. Anything that makes you smile is designed to be so for the only reason of making you feel better like they say, laughter is the best medicine. You can be sure to find more funny stuff from this site as you check funny cooking quotes and other funny stuff, they are just hilarious.