Funny dad quotes are about dads and by dads who relive various events in their lives that are so funny we just had to post them here. You will read funny sayings from both sides of the fence, fathers will give their views and the kids will give theirs as well. One thing is certain the quotes will definitely make you laugh or giggle. For even more funny quotes be sure to check out funny senior quotes and funny mom quotes as well. Below are some very funny dad quotes for you to read.
“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
“You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out."
“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on a rope.”
“To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years."
“There should be a children's song, if you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.”
“My daughter got me a World's Best Dad mug. So we know she's sarcastic.”
“Men should always change diapers. It's a very rewarding experience. It's mentally cleansing. It's like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.”
“Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.”
"Lately all my friends are worried that they're turning into their fathers. I'm worried that I'm not."
“My wife just let me know I'm about to become a father for the first time. The bad news is that we already have two kids.”
“My sisters and I can still recite Dad's grilling rules: Rule No. 1: Dad is in charge. Rule No. 2: Repeat Rule No. 1.”
“I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”
“I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war.”
“I know that if my mom fell and screamed for help, my dad would jump right up to rescue her as soon as it was halftime.”
“My dad used to say, always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.”
“I asked my dad for a BB gun, but he said we were a tribe of worriers, not warriors.”
“Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents”
“I love my dad, because even though he has Alzheimer's, he remembers the important things. He can't remember my name, but last week he told me exactly how much money I owe him.”
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”
“My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.”
“Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.”
"Whenever I fail as a father or husband, a toy and a diamond always works."
“I'm so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet."
“If you ever want to torture my dad, tie him up and right in front of him, refold a map incorrectly."
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch."
“Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain."
“My father refused to spend money on me as a kid. One time I broke my arm playing football, and my father tried to get a free x-ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage."
“My father makes money the American way. He trips over stuff and sues people."
“When you're young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape."
“My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic."
“You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
“Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
“In the ‘looks of disappointment’ department, my cat has picked up where my father left off.”
“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.”
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.”
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
“How come my 3-year-old son can remember every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my own phone number?”
“I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ I hadn’t met my daughter yet.”
“The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents — because they have a tame child-creature in their house.”
“I’m probably the most uncool guy that [my daughters] know—as far as they are concerned anyway—‘cause I’m Dad. I mean dads just aren’t cool—especially when I dance! They don’t want me to dance.”
“Everybody thinks their dad’s jokes are corny. I don’t get a free pass on that. In fact, [my daughter] said to me once, ‘Most of your stuff isn’t funny at all. But I’m always surprised you make it work.’ I thought that was a pretty sophisticated way of attacking me.”
“For fatherhood advice, try to look your child in the eye… get to know their name; that becomes important when you want something. And remember to feed them. That’s about all you need.”
Short Dad Sayings
Short dad sayings are just another way to put funny dad quotes. We all love to laugh and enjoy a good time and that’s because we have been, made to be social beings. The sayings or quotes are meant to give you a boost of happiness and make you overflow with joy. I am sure many of the readers can relate to what these writers are saying and if you can I am sure it will make you laugh. Another great read is funny cousin quotes, be sure to check that one out.
Funny Dad Captions
Funny dad captions or one-liners is a great way to share fun related thoughts to others. Dads can be funny despite the kids saying they are corny, but I guess it all depends on who you are trying to reach as some audiences relate to different things. Regardless I know that these funny quotes were indeed hilarious and I am sure readers would have found them a breath of fresh air.