Funny Mom quotes are hilarious quotes by celebrity moms and about moms in general. Raising kids is no joke but has its funny moments nevertheless. Check funny birthday quotes, moms know kids love birthdays. You can also read funny money quotes, moms know raising children isn’t cheap.
Funny mom quotes are a selection of quotes by famous women who have entered motherhood, combined with some hilarious quotes where individuals say some very funny things about their moms. We all need to have a good laugh at some point, its very healthy. These quotes will provide you with such an opportunity, you can find more funny at funny senior quotes. Below are a number of funny mom quotes.
“The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn't finish."
“Every day when you're raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream 'This is ridiculous!' because there's so much nonsense, whether it's what they're saying to you or the fact that there's avocado or poop on every surface."
“Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future."
“After we got home from the hospital, I didn’t shower for a week, and then John and I were like, 'Let’s go out for dinner.’ I could last only about an hour because my boobs were exploding. When the milk first comes in, it’s like a tsunami. But we went, just to prove to ourselves that we could feel normal for a second."
“When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you."
"Sometimes I stand there going, 'I'm not doing any of this right!' And then I get this big man belch of her and I go, 'Ah, we accomplished this together.'"
“Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn't sleep."
“Ah, babies. They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts."
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
“[Having four kids is] endless stuff. It's endless entertainment, it's endless stress, endless responsibility. Everyone's at different ages and levels, everyone's into different stuff. But everyone is into slime."
“I've learned that it's way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven't thrown up since the '90s and she's thrown up twice since we started this interview."
“No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too."
“Why don't kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?"
“Parenting Tip: Maybe don't leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room."
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."
“You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times."
“If I wasn't at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man — and by 'party' I mean, of course, endless rounds of 'Itsy Bitsy Spider."
“I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them."
“Stop saying 'we're pregnant.' You're not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No."
"Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty."
“I've conquered a lot of things ... blood clots in my lungs — twice ... knee and foot surgeries ... winning Grand Slams being down match point ... to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!"
"Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse."
“Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house."
"I didn't full wrap my head around the fact that there would be a person at the end of it. I read endlessly about pregnancy and what to eat and what not to eat. And then I sort of prepared not at all for the actual baby."
“I don't think so mommy!" is what my child said after, "Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?"
“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."
“Happy is the son whose faith in his mother remains unchallenged."
“Mother's love is bliss, is peace, it need not be acquired, it need not be deserved."
"Even more than the time when she gave birth, a mother feels her greatest joy when she hears others refer to her son as a wise learned one."
“We are born of love; love is our mother."
“Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."
“I know how to do anything I'm a mom."
"Nobody loves me but my mother, And she could be jivin' too."
“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."
“I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me."
“Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth."
"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours."
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
“As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied."
Funny mom quotes are a celebration of moms in a humorous way, there is no getting around the importance of a mother in a child’s life. I hope these quotes bring a smile to your face as you read, you may find something in common.