Funny Quotes By Women
Funny quotes by women is a compilation of remarks that are full of humor that we all need to know about. Every quote you will read isn’t only hilarious but they are all from women. Men no worries this isn’t a gender thing, this one is just strictly for the ladies to show they can hold their own in the world of comedy. The ability to be funny isn’t limited by any means to any one group of people and as you read on this will become very evident. To avoid feeling limited and confined to one subject, you can read many others by checking out funny quotes from the office Dwight and funny quotes about food .
Funny Female Empowerment Quotes
Funny female empowerment quotes will make women feel good about themselves via humor. Women are the ones who will be sharing these funny quotes so one can be assured it isn’t about making fun at anyone. Without women in this world, everything would be incomplete, there is no question. Women should be appreciated and loved and I do believe they are loved, but for the sake of fun and enjoyment we take this time to enjoy some funny quotes by women for women and everything else that applies. Get ready to be knocked off your feet with some amazing jokes.
Quote #1
“Scientists have discovered, how to use females tongues to produce electricity! Wow, silence and electricity both obtained simultaneously!”
Unknown
Quote #2
“I’m a woman.. I’m smart. I never loose an argument. I can cook. I like to read fashion magazines. I love to be right. Men don’t understand us. We must have secret powers, because I don’t understand us, either.”
Unknown
Quote #3
“’Women’ – they have a way of complicating things.”
Unknown
Quote #4
“No one can argue any longer about the rights of women. It’s like arguing about earthquakes.”
Quote #5
“Don’t judge a women from 100 feet away.”
Unknown
Quote #6
“You know a women is about to say something smart when she starts her sentence with “A man once told me”…”
Unknown
Quote #7
“When a woman has nothing left to argue, she will either ignore you, cry or remember that thing until she takes revenge on that.”
Unknown
Quote #8
“Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won’t run.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #9
“A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.”
Unknown
Quote #10
“If Women were Cars, then the men would save more fuel…nobody wants a car that decides where to go, when to go and for how long.”
Unknown
Quote #11
“If a woman tells you that she is single by choice, its probably because no one has chosen her.”
Unknown
Quote #12
“If for some reason I doubt that I’m wrong, all I need to do is ask a woman for verification.”
Unknown
Quote #13
“So I was up all night trying to make a website for women drivers, but it kept on crashing.”
Unknown
Quote #14
“The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #15
“I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #16
“I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #17
“The best years of a woman’s life – the ten years between 39 and 40.”
Unknown
Quote #18
“I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA.”
Unknown
Quote #19
“Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #20
“When I go hiking and I get over the hill, That means I am past the hard part and there is a snack in my future. That’s a good thing as far as I am concerned.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #21
“I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.”
Gilda Radner
Quote #22
“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
Joan Rivers
Quote #23
“When women go wrong, men go right after them.”
Mae West
Quote #24
“My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #25
“Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?”
Rita Rudner
Quote #26
“Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #27
“You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #28
“When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man?”
Dame Edith Evans
Quote #29
“A woman who doesn’t change her mind doesn’t have one.”
Unknown
Quote #30
“Of course women don’t look as busy as men. We do it right the first time!!!”
Unknown
Quote #31
“There are three things to remember when teaching: know your stuff; know whom you are stuffing; and then stuff them elegantly.”
Lola May
Quote #32
“My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #33
“Roma’s On Netflix? What’s Next, My Microwave Makes A Movie?”
Tina Fey
Quote #34
“The best advice my mother gave me was to ‘be a lady.’ But I never really knew what that meant, and obviously didn’t take to it.”
Amy Schumer
Quote #35
“I Hope, Like Mark Twain, A Hundred Years From Now People Will See My Work And Think “Wow, That’s Actually Pretty Racist.”
Tina Fey
Quote #36
“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #37
“Yeah [I’m thirty-six], but on the show I’m thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #38
“In L.A., my arms register as legs.”
Amy Schumer
Quote #39
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #40
“Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #41
“I don’t try to be a feminist. I just am. It’s innately inside me. I have no interest in trying to be the perfect feminist, but I do believe feminists are in good hands with me.”
Amy Schumer
Quote #42
“People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #43
“I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, ‘You must develop some mechanical skills – like getting out of bed’.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #44
“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #45
“Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #46
“Did I really just call my teacher Mom?”
Heidi McDonald
Quote #47
“I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #48
“I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #49
“If someone says you’re weird, say Thank You.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #50
“The last time I said let’s eat out, we ate in the garage.”
Phyllis Diller
Funny Quotes About Beautiful Women
Funny quotes about beautiful women are so designed to appreciate in them with humor and respect. Having a laugh about a situation doesn’t mean that respect is lacking, but rather bring joy and laughter to the soul especially to all the ladies. We know beauty is in the eye of the beholder so as far as we are concerned, all women are beautiful. That fact will take nothing away from the funny quotes you have read above and I know you will want more so we will be bringing you much more. If you found funny quotes by women fun, then read funny quotes for boyfriend as they are right here for your reading pleasure.
