Funny Quotes Parenting
Funny quotes parenting are a collection of quotes that are full of humor about parenting we all should read. For many persons it isn’t easy being a parent and it may be difficult being a child at times too. What we can tell you about these quotes is their ability to put a smile on your face as you read about the funnier side of parenting. Even parent and child needs a break from a hectic and stressful lifestyle and reading some funny quotes about everyday life may just do the trick. If you desire more funny, check funny quotes by women and funny food quotes for even more hilarious sayings.
Humorous Parenting Tips
Humorous parenting tips are definitely not your average tips on raising children. Once you begin to read the jokes below, you will see for yourself what I am talking about. Many consider themselves skillful parents and know the best way to raise a child, however, since every child is unique, that may prove a problem. This post isn’t dealing with that issue but rather sharing the experiences of others via a funny quote. Ready to be blown away by funny quotes parenting? If so read all the quotes below!
Quote #1
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
James
Quote #2
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
Quote #3
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
Lane Olinghouse
Quote #4
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.”
Unknown
Quote #5
“Children will model the behavior they see. Me: False, they have seen me sleep. They do not sleep”
Unknown
Quote #6
“They say that parenting is like dancing. You take one step, your child takes another.”
Michael Jackson
Quote #7
“My favorite part of parenting is after I drop my kids off at school. I’m kidding. It’s after they go to bed.”
CallMeDraper
Quote #8
“Parenthood is the scariest hood you will ever go through.”
Unknown
Quote #9
“Me: you’re going to bed in 5 minutes. Toddler: No. Twenty minutes! Me: Ok. puts him to bed in 2 minutes because he has no concept of time.”
Unknown
Quote #10
“The moment when you go to check in on your sleeping baby and their eyes ping open, so you drop to the floor and roll out of the room like a ninja.”
Unknown
Quote #11
“As a parent you’ve only got one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole.”
Chris Rock
Quote #12
“Driving around at 3am with soft music on the radio isn’t normal, but as a parent it is.”
Batman1285
Quote #13
“Both of us can’t look good at the same time; it’s me or the house.”
Unknown
Quote #14
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.”
Jenny McCarthy
Quote #15
“Somewhere along the way, I became a person who answers, “yes” to the question, “can I put my dirty tissue in your pocket?”
Unknown
Quote #16
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”
Steve Ryan
Quote #17
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.”
Dana snow
Quote #18
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.”
Unknown
Quote #19
“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.”
Unknown
Quote #20
“We don’t eat things we find thing in the couch!”… is apparently something I say now.”
Unknown
Quote #21
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
Jim Gaffigan
Quote #22
“You know you’re a parent when you’ve washed yourself with baby wipes to save time in the morning.”
Unknown
Quote #23
“I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband.”
Unknown
Quote #24
“Wake up extra early so you and your kids can still be 20 minutes late where ever you go.”
Unknown
Quote #25
“That moment when you fake falling asleep to help your child fall asleep and you accidentally take a 3hr nap.”
Unknown
Quote #26
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
Conan O’Brien
Quote #27
“Parenting is mostly just informing kids how many more minutes they have of something.”
Yoyoha
Quote #28
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
Paul Reiser
Quote #29
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
Jodi Picoult
Quote #30
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time”
Unknown
Quote #31
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
Ryan Reynold
Quote #32
“No one makes more observations than a child sharing a stall with his mother inside a public restroom.”
LHLodder
Quote #33
“Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet; no one really knows how.”
Unknown
Quote #34
“I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.”
Robert Orben
Quote #35
“Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.”
Unknown
Quote #36
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #37
“Motherhood is an extreme sport. That’s why we have to wear workout clothes everyday.”
Unknown
Quote #38
“Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: everyone is yelling, everything is sticky, it’s the same music over and over again, and occasionally pukes.”
Unknown
Quote #39
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
Marshall McLuhan
Quote #40
“And then one day, we decided we were tired of sleeping in & doing whatever we wanted in a clean house, so we had kids.”
Unknown
Quote #41
“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”
Jimmy Fallon
Quote #42
“5 year olds say the cutest things like ‘I love you’ and ‘hey mom when you just took your pants off everything was all jiggly and wiggly.”
DisCourt
Quote #43
“75% of every parent’s daily calories probably come just from licking knives.”
Unknown
Quote #44
“So I stepped away for like two seconds…” the beginning of a parenting horror story.”
Unknown
Quote #45
“The hardest part about parenting is trying to be fake mad when your kid does something bad but hilarious.”
Unknown
Quote #46
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant””
Dean Martin
Quote #47
“Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they’ll materialize out of nowhere.”
ThisOneSayz
Quote #48
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.”
Unknown
Quote #49
“Most noticeable difference since becoming a dad: I’ve cried hard TWICE at ‘America’s Got Talent’ this season.”
Seth Meyers
Quote #50
“Hakuna Matoddler: It means no relaxing for the rest of your days.”
Unknown
Quote #51
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”
Jim Bishop
Quote #52
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lay down again.”
Betsy Farrell
Quote #53
“Hell hath no fury like a toddler who’s sandwich was been cut into squares when they wanted triangles.”
Unknown
Quote #54
“My kids will walk right past their father sitting on the couch and come bang on the shower for me to open a fruit snack pouch.”
Unknown
Quote #55
“I live in a madhouse run by a tiny army that I made myself.”
Unknown
Quote #56
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
Percy French
Quote #57
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
Nia Vardolas
Quote #58
“I’ve been building my son’s trust for two yrs with high-fives. Today I’m going to hit him with a ”˜too slow.’ Welcome to the real world, son.”
Trevor Williams
Quote #59
“A perfect metaphor for parenting is trying to stand up in a hammock without spilling your drink.”
Unknown
Quote #60
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
Ernest Hemingway
Quote #61
“According to my kid, the perfect amount of time to stay at the park is five more minutes.”
RockabillyJay
Quote #62
“They say it takes a village. Where can I get directions to this village?”
Unknown
Quote #63
“I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”
Brian Andreas
Quote #64
“No one is more passionate about their kids back to school opinion than my friends who don’t have kids.”
CydBeer
Quote #65
“Before kids: Why are they called ‘throw pillows’? After kids: Oh.”
Unknown
Quote #66
“Nobody is full of more false hope than a mum who places items on the stairs for her family members to carry up.”
Unknown
Quote #67
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #68
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
Carrie Underwood
Quote #69
“Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee.”
David Frost
Quote #70
“Can’t find your kids? Don’t worry; sit on the toilet. They’ll find you.”
MamaJessieC
Quote #71
“Do not compare your dog problems to parenting. Your dog cannot say your name 3,427 times a day.”
Unknown
Quote #72
“Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys..”
Salty Mermaid
Quote #73
“Before I had kids, I didn’t know I could ruin someone’s day by saying, ‘Get dressed, please.’”
SarcaticMommy4
Quote #74
“Tweens are like a box of chocolates. You never know which personality you are going to get.”
Unknown
Quote #75
“I can’t wait for my own kids to get their own phones so I can steal their phones and take 400 photos of my left foot.”
Unknown
Quote #76
“One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun.”
Jane Goodall
Quote #77
“The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.”
Relaxingmommy
Quote #78
“The only thing kids know how to wear out faster than shoes are their parents.”
Unknown
Quote #79
“My kids were all having fun and getting along, and that was the greatest 2 1/2 minutes of the entire summer.”
Unknown
Quote #80
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
Joyce Armor
Quote #81
“If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the WiFi and watch them slowly appear.”
Unknown
Quote #82
“If it requires my child to sit still and be quiet, I can’t come.”
Unknown
Quote #83
“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #84
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.”
Unknown
Quote #85
“The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.”
Unknown
Parenting Jokes One Liners
Parenting jokes one liners are something else I tell you, these funny quotes are truly mesmerizing. Most of us are parents, so I am sure we can relate to what we just read in some way. Funny quotes parenting are truly the type of hilarious quotes that parents and kids alike can appreciate. These remarks are the type one understands because of the daily experience in regards to nthe topic, if you found these jokes entertaining, then read funny quotes nursing as well.
