Funny Quotes Retirement
Funny quotes retirement shares some amazing funny remarks about retirement for all to enjoy to the fullest. If you live long enough, I am sure you will retire or look forward to that day. Nothing beats knowing that after a long time in the world of work you can sit back and relax and enjoy your later years without hassle. This post will show you the funnier side to that entire experience so follow along as you won’t want to miss the humor from these funny quotes. Be sure to check funny thank you quotes and funny quotes for brother that share some interesting but hilarious sayings.
Funny Retirement One Liners
Funny retirement one liners are so good, when you start to read them, you won’t want to stop. Yes, we know every quote may not cut it, but there are plenty that will leave you laughing with their punch line. If you are looking for a good joke especially in relation to funny retirement one liners, you have come to the best spot on the internet. So without further delay, below are a number of funny quotes retirement for both young and old.
Quote #1
“During your work life you pick up a lot of bad habits… like working.”
Unknown
Quote #2
“Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife, honey, I’m home… for good!”
Unknown
Quote #3
“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.”
Unknown
Quote #4
“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.”
Fred Rogers
Quote #5
“No more alarm clocks for you – you can go back to sleep or get up – it is entirely up to you!”
Unknown
Quote #6
“I am so busy since I have retired, I may have to go back to work to get a rest.”
Uncle Dude
Quote #7
“Retirement: no job, no stress, no pay!”
Unknown
Quote #8
“Retire from work, but not from life”
M.K. Soni
Quote #9
“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.”
Gene Perret
Quote #10
“You can retire, but you can’t retire from being great!”
Unknown
Quote #11
“Retirement: It’s not the end of your life, it’s the end of your bank account!”
Unknown
Quote #12
“Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.”
Robert Benchley
Quote #13
“Welcome to the next phase of life. There’s no dress code, but you probably can’t afford clothes anymore, anyway!”
Unknown
Quote #14
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”
George Burns
Quote #15
“Retirement is just a never-ending vacation.”
Unknown
Quote #16
“Think about retirement as being two six-month holidays per year.”
Unknown
Quote #17
“I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.”
Unknown
Quote #18
“Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.”
Unknown
Quote #19
“Strategic retirement plan: rest, relax, repeat.”
Unknown
Quote #20
“I’m not retiring. I am graduating. Today is my graduation day. Retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.”
Junior Seau
Quote #21
“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.”
Abe Lemons
Quote #22
“Sometimes the best part of your job is retirement.”
Unknown
Quote #23
“If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.”
Doug Larson
Quote #24
“The best part about retirement is that you don’t have to worry about getting caught for doing nothing.”
Unknown
Quote #25
“Now Fridays aren’t the best day of the week anymore… they all are!”
Unknown
Quote #26
“When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.”
Chi Chi Rodriguez
Quote #27
“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.”
Robert Half
Quote #28
“Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it”
Abigail Charleson
Quote #29
“Retirement . . . is when you stop living at work and begin working at living.”
Unknown
Quote #30
“You have to put off being young until you can retire.”
Unknown
Quote #31
“There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it retirement; I call it bliss.”
Betty Sullivan
Quote #32
“When did being unemployed become something to brag about?”
Unknown
Quote #33
“We all aspire to retire, and then what?”
Unknown
Quote #34
“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.”
R.C. Sherriff
Quote #35
“I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off.”
Steve Young
Quote #36
“When is a retiree’s bedtime? About 30 minutes after they fall asleep on the couch.”
Unknown
Quote #37
“I never reveal my age, but I do let people know I’m retired. They can just guess my age from that statement.”
Unknown
Quote #38
“He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement”
Unknown
Quote #39
“The money’s no better in retirement but the hours are!”
Unknown
Quote #40
“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.”
Robert Half
Quote #41
“In retirement, I look for days off from my days off.”
Mason Cooley
Quote #42
“The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement.”
Unknown
Quote #43
“Congratulations on deciding life is more important than work. What took you so long?”
Unknown
Quote #44
“Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay.”
Unknown
Quote #45
“A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.”
Ella Harris
Quote #46
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
Quote #47
“How do you know it’s time to retire? It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!”
Unknown
Quote #48
“ I love being a grandparent in retirement. I give my grandkids a lot of sugar and then leave them with their parents to deal with them.”
Unknown
Quote #49
“Just when the wife thinks they got rid of their kids for living in the house, the husband decides to retire.”
Unknown
Quote #50
“Why don’t retirees mind being called seniors? Because the term comes with a 10% discount.”
Unknown
Quote #51
“I have never liked working. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy.”
Unknown
Quote #52
“Others will keep working because the “gold” in our so-called “golden years” doesn’t have to come from watching sunsets.”
Arianna Huffington
Quote #53
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment.”
Terri Guillemets
Quote #54
“I think that retirement is the first step towards the grave.”
Hugh Hefner
Quote #55
“How can you ever be sure people are happy you get to retire and not happy they finally got rid of you?”
Unknown
Quote #56
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.”
Kitty O’Neill Collins
Quote #57
“I never had the sense that there was an end: that there was a retirement or that there was a jackpot.”
Leonard Cohen
Quote #58
“Why do retirees smile all the time? Because they can’t hear a word you are saying!”
Unknown
Quote #59
“I wish I could reveal my age, but I just can’t. It keeps changing all the time.”
Unknown
Quote #60
“Just think, you’ll never have to sit in on another conference call. Enjoy your retirement!”
Unknown
Quote #61
“Congratulations on being able to never have to call in sick again.”
Unknown
Quote #62
“Enjoy being the boss of your retirement!”
Unknown
Quote #63
“When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.”
Unknown
Quote #64
“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.”
Unknown
Quote #65
“Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working.”
Unknown
Quote #66
“I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.”
Unknown
Quote #67
“I work harder now that I have retired from corporate life, than when I actually worked, but I love it.”
Unknown
Quote #68
“A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell ’em to get a life.”
Larry Laser
Quote #69
“You are a person I really admire, because you are a person who gets to retire”
Unknown
Quote #70
“Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache unless you play golf.”
Quote #71
“We no longer follow traditional retirement models. We have rebelled against them.”
Margaret Nash
Quote #72
“Goodbye to 9 to 5. Hello, time!”
Unknown
Quote #73
“Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.”
Betty White
Quote #74
“I need to retire from retirement.”
Sandra Day O’Connor
Quote #75
“You’re never too old to retire, but you’re always too old to find a new job!”
Unknown
Quote #76
“Wouldn’t it be great if people had celebrated your employment as much as they’re celebrating your retirement?”
Unknown
Quote #77
“My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.”
Julius Sharpe
Quote #78
“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.”
Abe Lemon
Quote #79
“Retired is being tired twice, I’ve thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.”
Richard Armour
Quote #80
“Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it.”
Abigail Charleson
Funny Quotes Retirement Wishes
Funny quotes retirement wishes are just like any other funny quote on retiring. I said that these quotes are funny and are some of the best in the business, I hope you agreed with me. It takes a lot to be funny especially if it doesn’t come naturally. Anyway, you are retired and life should be stress free and easy going, hopefully the funny quotes above helped in that experience. You can also find more hilarious remarks when you read over 50 funny quotes, some people do retire in their fifties. .
