Funny Quotes That Are Short
Funny quotes that are short are a compilation of funny quotes that are full of humor and to the point. Some jokes can be long as you wait for the punch line, but the short ones can do the job very well. The faster the joke is shared the more time you have to hear more. If you are looking for some of the funniest quotes you will ever hear or read that are short, then look no further. Be sure to check funny quotes by comedians and funny food quotes for even more funny sayings about food.
Short Funny Quotes
Short funny quotes will definitely make your day, they are a tremendous set of jokes to make you smile. Have you ever heard the saying, short and sweet? Well that is just what these short funny quotes are all about. There is nothing like a good joke to make you your day all the better. When you run through these set of funny quotes you will see what I am saying to you, never ending fun and laughter. Below are a number of funny quotes that are short to wet your humor pallet.
Quote #1
“The best revenge is massive success.”
Frank Sinatra
Quote #2
“Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Quote #3
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”
Abraham Lincoln
Quote #4
“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.”
Spanish Proverb
Quote #5
“Never steal. The government hates competition.”
Ron Paul
Quote #6
“You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death.”
Unknown
Quote #7
“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”
Cynthia Heimel
Quote #8
“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”
Caroline Rhea
Quote #9
“I need Vitamin Sea.”
Unknown
Quote #10
“I need a vacation of 6 months. Twice a year!”
Unknown
Quote #11
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Charlie Chaplin
Quote #12
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
Dale Carnegie
Quote #13
“Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand.”
Emo Phillips
Quote #14
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
Unknown
Quote #15
“If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal.”
Paulo Coelho
Quote #16
“I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.”
Mitch Hedberg
Quote #17
“Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?”
Unknown
Quote #18
“Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?”
Unknown
Quote #19
“I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!”
Unknown
Quote #20
“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.”
Joey Adams
Quote #21
“I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel magazine!”
Unknown
Quote #22
“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”
Unknown
Quote #23
“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”
Bill Maher
Quote #24
“Man has his will, but woman has her way.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
Quote #25
“I hate women because they always know where things are.”
Voltaire
Quote #26
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #27
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Quote #28
“All men are equal before fish.”
Herbert Hoover
Quote #29
“I am only human, although I regret it.”
Mark Twain
Quote #30
“A coconut a day keeps the doctor away.”
Unknown
Quote #31
“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done”
Steve Wright
Quote #32
“Save paper, don’t do home work.”
Unknown
Quote #33
“It takes patience to listen.. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.”
Unknown
Quote #34
“A good listener is usually thinking about something else.”
Unknown
Quote #35
“When nothing is going right, go left.”
Unknown
Quote #36
“I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.”
Unknown
Quote #37
“Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.”
Unknown
Quote #38
“He who laughs last didn’t get it.”
Helen Giangregorio
Quote #39
“I have been to almost as many places as my luggage.”
Bob Hope
Quote #40
“Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.”
Unknown
Quote #41
“Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.”
Unknown
Quote #42
“Never test how deep the water is with both feet.”
Unknown
Quote #43
“Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.”
Unknown
Quote #44
“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
Steve Martin
Quote #45
“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”
George Carlin
Quote #46
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
Quote #47
“If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.”
Unknown
Quote #48
“You’re only as good as your last haircut.”
Fran Lebowitz
Quote #49
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
Quote #50
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #51
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
Rodney Dangerfield
Quote #52
“Nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.”
Tina Fey
Quote #53
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
W. C. Fields
Quote #54
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
Sam Levenson
Quote #55
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.”
Will Rogers
Quote #56
“Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
Quote #57
“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
Oscar Wilde
Quote #58
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
Leo J. Burke
Quote #59
“QUICK!! What’s the number for 911!!!”
Unknown
Quote #60
“People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!”
Unknown
Quote #61
“4 out 3 people struggle with math.”
Unknown
Quote #62
“I will conquer the world. Like, from here to the post box.”
Unknown
Quote #63
“Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.”
Unknown
Quote #64
“If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.”
Unknown
Quote #65
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
Theo Cowan
Quote #66
“I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.”
Unknown
Quote #67
“I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.”
Zach Galifianakis
Quote #68
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Henry Kissinger
Quote #69
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?”
John Barrymore
Quote #70
“I wrote a few children’s books… not on purpose.”
Steven Wright
Quote #71
“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
Unknown
Quote #72
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Quote #73
“The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.”
Gore Vidal
Quote #74
“Never miss a good chance to shut up”
Unknown
Quote #75
“Puns are the highest form of literature.”
Alfred Hitchcock
Quote #76
“All generalizations are false, including this one.”
Mark Twain
Quote #77
“When cheese gets it’s picture taken what does it say?”
Unknown
Quote #78
“A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.”
Unknown
Quote #79
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Thomas A. Edison
Quote #80
“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”
Milton Berle
Funny Clever Short Quotes
Funny clever short quotes are funny and clever all at the same time. If you were someone who thought it was impossible to be clever and still crack a joke are probably rethinking that all now. Clever and funny work well together, but if it is short that is some serious skill right there. I hope after reading these short funny quotes you will also check out funny quotes by presidents as well.
