Funny Thanksgiving quotes are a collection of oneliners by people about eating food and coping with family during Thanksgiving Day. These quotes will blow your mind as many just can’t seem to have a good time together as a family, hopefully, it’s all a big joke. Please be sure to read funny family quotes, maybe that will encourage families to get along more. Below you can read funny thanksgiving quotes to read.
"For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag."
"Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home."
"May your stuffing be tasty
"If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘Man, just be yourself.'"
"Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line."
"We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all."
"It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring."
"Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life."
"It's not too much food. This is what we've been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour."
"If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken."
"Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving."
"Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg."
"A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen."
"I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it."
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day."
"I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family."
"Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty."
"I can't cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast."
“I like football. I find it's an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.”
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.”
"Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out."
“Thanksgiving Day, man—not a good day to be my pants.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family."
“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.”
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”
“Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook."
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations."
“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food.”
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.”
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey."
Funny Thanksgiving Oneliners
Funny thanksgiving oneliners are some short hilarious statements by various individuals that will knock your socks off, not literally. These jokes are really funny and some of you can probably relate when it comes to your own family on Thanksgiving Day. You can also read faith quotes about family, maybe these will encourage better family relations.
Funny Thanksgiving Wishes
Funny thanksgiving wishes, I think many can relate to this. I am sure many wish that their time during thanksgiving was much better than many say it is. If you read the funny thanksgiving quotes above, I am sure you would see what I am talking about, a better Thanksgiving Day to all, this time around. Be sure to read funny cooking quotes, I know that day food is plentiful so maybe that would help the cook.