Funny Why Quotes
Funny why quotes are an exceptional collection of sayings that ask some of the funniest questions. These funny quotes are really great and some of them do answer the question asked which gives it the punt intended. If you are looking for something funny to read be sure to check these out. Be sure to also read funny senior quotes, those are good or funny goodbye quotes as those are awesome too.
Funny Quotes On Life
Funny quotes on life are surely some hilarious ways to express yourself or make other persons smile with glee. These funny quotes share fun stuff on a variety of topics so you can be sure something will resonate with you. As you read and have blast with these hilarious quotes I hope that you share with your friends so they too can have a laugh as well. Below are a number of funny why quotes for you to enjoy.
Quote #1
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
Quote #2
“Did you just fall? No I was checking if gravity still works”
CoolFunnyQuotes
Quote #3
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… How to build a boat”
Steven Wright
Quote #4
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
Unknown
Quote #5
“You think I am sarcastic? You should hear what I have to say!”
Unknown
Quote #6
“If Cinderella shoes fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?”
DailyFunnyQuotes
Quote #7
“Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before going to bed?”
Unknown
Quote #8
“Why are iPhone chargers not called apple juice?”
LolSoTrue
Quote #9
“Can’t you see it? You are one in a minion”
Unknown
Quote #10
“Pilates? I thought said pit+latte”
Unknown
Quote #11
“I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they are like: hey what are you doing here? and I am like: oh you know, hunting elephants.”
Unknown
Quote #12
“Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?”
Steve Jobs
Quote #13
“Have you ever noticed all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”
Benny Hill
Quote #14
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?.”
Robin Williams
Quote #15
“Daddy are you going to get handsome or are you wearing that? – 4 year old”
Becca Carnahan
Quote #16
“What’s another word for Thesaurus?”
Steven Wright
Quote #17
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
Mitch Hedberg
Quote #18
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey
Quote #19
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
Mindy Kaling
Quote #20
“My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
Betty White
Funny Quotes For
Funny quotes for a good laugh is all about entertaining you especially in these times. We can all do with a break and a good laugh will help just fine.
Quote #21
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Rita Rudner
Quote #22
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”
Joan Rivers
Quote #23
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #24
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
Elbert Hubbard
Quote #25
“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”
Don Marquis
Quote #26
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #27
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”
Mae West
Quote #28
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
Quote #29
“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Quote #30
“Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!”
Charlie Brown
Quote #31
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
Abraham Lincoln
Quote #32
“Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”
Unknown
Quote #33
“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.”
James Branch Cabell
Quote #34
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”
Abraham Lincoln
Quote #35
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
Michael Scott
Quote #36
“I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
Bill Watterson
Quote #37
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
Alan Dundes
Quote #38
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
Unknown
Quote #39
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
W.C. Fields
Quote #40
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
Albert Einstein
About Funny Quotes
About funny quotes are some sayings that are full of humor just for you. If you want a laugh or just smile then these hilarious quotes will do just that!
Quote #41
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
Rodney Dangerfield
Quote #42
“I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!”
Charles M. Schulz
Quote #43
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
Ann Landers
Quote #44
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
Les Dawson
Quote #45
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
Michael Scott
Quote #46
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
Bob Hope
Quote #47
“There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”
Surgeon
Quote #48
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe.”
Albert Einstein
Quote #49
“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”
Caroline Rhea
Quote #50
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
Steven Wright
Quote #51
“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
Lily Tomlin
Quote #52
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
Joan Rivers
Quote #53
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
Quote #54
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
Charles Lamb
Quote #55
“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”
Lt. Frank Drebin
Quote #56
“I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Kevin Malone
Quote #57
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
Charles Shulz
Quote #58
“I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”
Jimmy Kimmel
Quote #59
“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”
Dwight Schrute
Quote #60
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Charlie Chaplin
What Are Funny Sayings
These what are funny sayings are extremely hilarious quotes to make you laugh and have a good time. The funnier the better I would say!
Quote #61
“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.”
Sheldon Cooper
Quote #62
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”
Mark Twain
Quote #63
“Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”
Charleton Heston
Quote #64
“There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”
Goldie Hawn
Quote #65
“I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.”
Ouiser Boudreaux
Quote #66
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
Dalai Lama
Quote #67
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
Unknown
Quote #68
“A woman is like a tea bag: You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Quote #69
“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”
Daniel J. Boorstin
Quote #70
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
Oprah Winfrey
Quote #71
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #72
“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”
Ace Ventura
Quote #73
“I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. And I also know that I’m not blonde.”
Dolly Parton
Quote #74
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Quote #75
“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”
Clairee Belcher
Quote #76
“I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”
Carrie Bradshaw
Quote #77
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Waterson
Quote #78
“I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.”
Unknown
Quote #79
“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.”
Rita Mae Brown
Quote #80
“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”
Gertrude Stein
Best Funny Quotes
These best funny quotes are some of the funniest sayings you will see in this day and age/ If you want some of the best there is, then keep reading!
Quote #81
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”
Garry Shandling
Quote #82
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
Quote #83
“People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.”
Sophia Petrillo
Quote #84
“All men are equal before fish.”
Herbert Hoover
Quote #85
“I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
Chandler
Quote #86
“Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.”
Cindy Crawford
Quote #87
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
Isaac Asimov
Quote #88
“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
George Carlin
Quote #89
“I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair. I don’t think it’s natural.”
Truvy Jones
Quote #90
“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.”
Jean Rostand
Quote #91
“When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.”
Larry David
Quote #92
“Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin’ across your face.”
Truvy Jones
Quote #93
“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”
Katharine Hepburn
Quote #94
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
Sir Norman Wisdom
Quote #95
“People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.”
Dolly Parton
Quote #96
“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”
Laurence J. Peter
Quote #97
“Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.”
Adam Gropman
Quote #98
“Look, you didn’t ask me for my opinion, but I’m old, so I’m giving it anyway.”
Sophia Petrillo
Quote #99
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
Mark Twain
Quote #100
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
Funny Quotes Best
Funny quotes best are surely some of the funniest quotes you will find on the internet. These crazy wild comments will satisfy every urge you have for a good laugh, guaranteed.
Quote #101
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
George Carlin
Quote #102
“I am only human, although I regret it.”
Mark Twain
Quote #103
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
Jay Leno
Quote #104
“Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.”
Luis Buñuel
Quote #105
“When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.”
Norm Crosby
Quote #106
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Steve Martin
Quote #107
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
Quote #108
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
Dave Barry
Quote #109
“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.”
Oscar Levant
Quote #110
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”
Albert Einstein
Quote #111
“Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.”
Frank Semyon
Quote #112
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
Prince Phillip
Quote #113
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”
Jean Illsley Clarke
Quote #114
“What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.”
Aunt Voula
Quote #115
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Quote #116
“Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
Pauline Thomason
Quote #117
“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”
Wanda
Quote #118
“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”
Tom Lehrer
Quote #119
“Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”
Shelley Darlingson
Quote #120
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
W. C. Fields
Very Funny Quotes
These very funny quotes will make your day and wipe all the sadness away. Anytime you feel down and need a pick me up, just check in with us and have a good laugh!
Quote #121
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #122
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
Tina Fey
Quote #123
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
Sam Levenson
Quote #124
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”
Unknown
Quote #125
“He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything – that clearly points to a political career.”
George Bernard Shaw
Quote #126
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”
Shirley MacLaine
Quote #127
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
Robin Williams
Quote #128
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.”
Will Rogers
Quote #129
“As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy.”
Ralphie May
Quote #130
“I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”
Dory
Quote #131
“I had plastic surgery last week – I cut up my credit cards.”
Henny Youngman
Quote #132
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
Jim Carrey
Quote #133
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
Quote #134
“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.”
Dennis Wholey
Quote #135
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
Oscar Wilde
Quote #136
“I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”
Unknown
Quote #137
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”
Benny Hill
Quote #138
“The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.”
Betty White
Quote #139
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
Mortimer Brewster
Quote #140
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.”
Samuel L. Jackson
Funny Quotes About
Funny quotes about anything is found right here so no need to look any further. If you want some excellent funny quotes to make your day all the better keep reading!
Quote #141
“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”
Oscar Wilde
Quote #142
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
Quote #143
“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
Bill Watterson
Quote #144
“The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”
Unknown
Quote #145
“Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
Quote #146
“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
Betty White
Quote #147
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
Earl Wilson
Quote #148
“My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.”
Maria Bamford
Quote #149
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
Quote #150
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”
Emo Philips
Quote #151
“Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”
Dorothy Parker
Quote #152
“I’ve had great success being a total idiot.”
Jerry Lewis
Quote #153
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
George Carlin
Quote #154
“To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.”
George W. Bush
Quote #155
“Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.”
Lin-Manuel Miranda
Quote #156
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
Mark Twain
Quote #157
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”
Billy Connolly
Quote #158
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
Groucho Marx
Quote #159
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are”
Damien Fahey
Quote #160
“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”
Harlan Ellison
Funny Quotes Sayings
Funny quotes sayings are pretty cool to say the least, you will find so many hilarious sayings that you will be back for more, that’s for sure!
Quote #161
“Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.”
Unknown
Quote #162
“A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.”
George Bernard Shaw
Quote #163
“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
Quote #164
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Noel Coward
Quote #165
“The lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.”
Ann Landers
Quote #166
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
Greg Tamblyn
Quote #167
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
Quote #168
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #169
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
Betty White
Quote #170
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #171
“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”
Clint Eastwood
Quote #172
“It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”
Dorothy Zbornak
Quote #173
“The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.”
Josh Billings
Quote #174
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.”
Paula Poundstone
Quote #175
“The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
Kin Hubbard
Quote #176
“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”
Jerry Seinfeld
Quote #177
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”
Kurt Vonnegut
Quote #178
“Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help mom do the dishes.”
P.J. O’Rourke
Quote #179
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
Mark Twain
Quote #180
“Everything I have I owe to this job… this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.”
Jim Halpert
A Funny Quotes
A funny quotes, if such a term exists, are definitely possible and can be accessed right here by the hundreds. You can choose from those above or below and satisfy your humorous side.
Quote #181
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
Miles Kington
Quote #182
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
Oscar Wilde
Quote #183
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”
Natalie Wood
Quote #184
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #185
“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
Oscar Wilde
Quote #186
“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
Joan River
Quote #187
“The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.”
Paul Fix
Quote #188
“I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
Jerome K. Jerome
Quote #189
“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people.”
Thomas Lansing Masson
Quote #190
“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”
Rodney Dangerfield
Quote #191
“A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.”
Marty Allen
Quote #192
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure.”
Mark Twain
Quote #193
“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?”
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Quote #194
“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”
Yogi Berra
Quote #195
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
Quote #196
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
Scott Adams
Quote #197
“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”
Phyllis Diller
Quote #198
“I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
Jerome K. Jerome
Quote #199
“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”
Jeffree Star
Quote #200
“To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.”
Paul R. Ehrlich
Funny Quotes About Self
Funny quotes about self are a great way for persons to read others making fun about themselves. No doubt, there may be something said that you can associate with as we all have our own funny experiences. Be sure to also take a look at funny food quotes, see more about food in a funny way and continue to check out many other fun quotes as the fun doesn’t stop here.
So why stop there, funny why quotes are the best of the best, you will be happy you read through them and keep the best ones for yourself!
