Husband And Wife Funny Quotes
Husband and wife funny quotes is a compilation of hilarious remarks between a husband and a wife. Anyone who is married or have ever been married knows how the marriage relationship can get. Well if you haven’t reach that point yet, it may be a good idea to read what these persons say.
Marriage is an honorable institution that is pleasing in the sight of God and it will be respected despite all the funny sayings you will see here today. I am often amazed at some of the hilarious one liners and puns people conjure up. This one will be no different as you will soon find out. You can also read many more funny sayings by checking out funny quotes leadership and this and host of other funny quotes topics.
Funny Marriage Quotes
Funny marriage quotes are truly hilarious and amazing to read, if you are the type of person that loves humor. A good laugh is always recommended for a healthier body, so be sure to get your dosage of laughter everyday along with trust in God. I encourage you to take a look at the hilarious jokes I have prepared for you today, there might be something you like so much you share with another.
So, if you are looking for funny quotes between a husband and a wife, you have come to the right page. Below you will see a host of husband and wife funny quotes that will make you laugh, smile and cry, which in this case is a good thing.
Quote #1
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
Unknown
Quote #2
“The only animal that a lion is afraid of is his lady lioness. So if you are afraid of your lady, that means you’re a lion.”
Unknown
Quote #3
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”
Ann Bancroft
Quote #4
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”
Mae West
Quote #5
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”
Quote #6
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
Agatha Christie
Quote #7
“There go my people. I must find out where they are going so I can lead them.”
Alexandre Ledru-Rollin
Quote #8
“I would rather be an artist than a leader. Ironically, a leader has to follow the rules.”
Criss Jami
Quote #9
“You do not lead by hitting people over the head — that’s assault, not leadership”
Dwight Eisenhower
Quote #10
“When I finally got a management position, I found out how hard it is to lead and manage people.”
Guy Kawasaki
Quote #11
“The question who ought to be boss is like who ought to be the tenor in the quartet? Obviously, the man who can sing tenor.”
Henry Ford
Quote #12
“It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to lead — and find no one there.”
Franklin Roosevelt
Quote #13
“A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.”
Max Lucado
Quote #14
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Quote #15
“The art of leadership is in saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”
Tony Blair
Husband And Wife Fight Funny Quotes
Quote #16
“A woman’s apology: I’m sorry but it was your fault.”
Unknown
Quote #17
“I and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.”
Unknown
Quote #18
“Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years…. then we met.”
Quote #19
“If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.”
Sam Levenson
Quote #20
“In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”
Woody Allen
Quote #21
“She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.”
Tommy Manville
Quote #22
“My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me.”
Unknown
Quote #23
“The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.”
Unknown
Quote #24
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
Rodney Dangerfield
Quote #25
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”
Ogden
Quote #26
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Socrates
Quote #27
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?”
Michelle Obama
Quote #28
“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
Quote #29
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Rita Rudner
Quote #30
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
Ogden Nash
Husband Teasing Wife Quotes
Quote #31
“Well behaved wife rarely make history.”
Unknown
Quote #32
“We always hold hands, If I let go, she shops.”
Henry Youngman
Quote #33
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
Henry Youngman
Quote #34
“Wife: I have changed my mind…Husband: Does the new one work???”
Unknown
Quote #35
“My wife’s cooking is so bad the flies fix our screens.”
Rodney Dangerfield
Quote #36
“My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.”
Rodney Dangerfield
Quote #37
“One day my wife’s credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!”
Unknown
Quote #38
“A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.”
Dax Shepard
Quote #39
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”
Quote #40
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”
Lee Judge
Funny Quotes For Husband
Quote #41
“A good husband makes a good wife.”
Unknown
Quote #42
“Your wife won’t start an argument with you, If you’re cleaning.”
Unknown
Quote #43
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…she hugged me.”
Unknown
Quote #44
“My husband thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.”
Unknown
Quote #45
“Marriage is a workshop, where the husband works and the wife shops.”
Unknown
Quote #46
“Wife is scientifically proven to be RIGHT even when they are WRONG.”
Unknown
Quote #47
“Wife is cute when she is mute and husband is honey when he gives money.”
Unknown
Quote #48
“Tell her she’s beautiful instead of HOT she’s your wife not TEMPERATURE.”
Unknown
Quote #49
“The husband is the HEAD of the family and wife is the NECK that turns the head around!!”
Unknown
Quote #50
“Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.”
Unknown
Husband Wife Quotes
Husband wife quotes in this case is no different from those you would have read above. As you would have seen earlier the conversation between both parties are all funny remarks. That is the whole intent of the quotes shared, to see the funnier side of being married and that it can be a blessing if done right.
I truly hope you found husband and wife funny quotes so entertaining that you are willing to read more of what we have to share. After reading what the various individuals had to say about the relationship between husband and wife, you can find more captivating quotes by reading funny quotes to make him smile, as you consider some of the funny statements shared.
